That’s right, tough guys (and gals) cry too. No matter how intimidating and stone cold a cop might look like on the outside, every one of us has moments where we break down and cry or at least should. This listener-driven episode goes to the place most cops don’t like to go.
If you’re a cop and would like to share your own tearful experiences, please do. Email us at policeacademypodcast.com.
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Do Good || Be Strong || Fear Nothing
SHOW NOTES:
“What’s up Terence,
I have absolutely loved the transparency you and your guests have and the podcast has pushed me further into the desire of becoming an officer. I am confident in my God-given personality, people skills, experiences growing up, and education that with training and experience I could do the job well.
However, I am a very emotional person with enormous amounts of empathy. Yes, I cry quite often when I see injustices or even when watching some sappy romance with my fiancé. Tears have never come from me having my feelings hurt and words don’t hurt me at all, but seeing others in situations I pray to God I would never see myself in pulls on something very deep in my heart. The empathy I have worries me for a few reasons.
First, I know already that I would definitely want to cry responding to certain calls as even some stories from your podcast have caused me to tear up on the way to work, lunch break, working out (lol). From my point of view an officer needs to be, not cold, but collected and strong in front of victims, offenders, or other officers. This is so that they can set an example of the law being a strong arm towards injustice, always professional, and in control.
Another reason I feel as though my empathy could be a hitch in the profession, is the mental toll of the experiences on the job. I just, feel.... a lot. I understand as you’ve said before that these negative experiences do have an impact and you guys cope in humor and other ways.
So, I would love to hear of times when you or someone you know in law enforcement broke down. This would really give me confidence that my strong feelings toward injustice or people being taken advantage of is a normal feeling and that others want to cry as well. Or at least just tear up. “
This may be tough to do but I would like to hear your absolute worst experiences of you can share. I want to understand the true grit of the profession before entering into it.
Empathy makes a good cop
Definition: “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.”
Without it, how can we truly serve our communities?
Crying is Ok, You’re a Human, Not a Robot, Not a Monster
Being professional and in control is important
Not mutually exclusive
Time and a place
Suspects don’t warrant tears, victims do
Being a strong arm against injustice is about combating injustice in the best way you can
If that means you sit and cry with a victim, then that’s ok
That may be what they need and change their life for the better
We all Feel
Some of the “toughest” cops are also the most broken
That hard shell is just a defense mechanism
Being in touch with your feelings will help you cope in healthy ways
The same rules apply though
Keep friends outside of LE
Have mentors
Talk to others about your thoughts and feelings
Spend time doing other things
It’s when you ignore the emotional trauma that you hurt yourself and others
My Own Tears
I rarely cry, so my experience is different
I tend to move on from things quickly and focus on the future
Task oriented, keep driving
There are a few moments
Every once in a while, I’d just be in a mood to cry
Some random though, often times a happy one, would make me cry
Afterward I would feel great
It was just my body balancing things back out
The baby
Young parents and a newborn
Storm kept them at parents house one night
Dad slept with baby on the couch
Baby ended up with her face in his armpit
I remember the doctor’s face when I walked in to the ER and I knew what I was about to have to do
I remember the hopeful denial of what these two parents knew to be true
I remember walking in with the chaplain and seeing that denial start to fade, knowing what I was about to tell them
I remember the mother bursting into tears and wailing when I explained that their adorable little girl was dead
I told them with tears in my eyes
The Wife
Called to a domestic complaint / check well being
Wife and husband had been arguing the night before
Both young, good looking people with adorable kids
Found husband in the garage hanging from a rope
I remember her hopeful denial of what she feared was true
I remember her face, waiting to hear some good news
I remember the bruises on her arms and legs from his abuse
I remember her collapsing in the front yard when she found out her husband and father of her kids was dead
I remember the tears in my eyes
I remember the tears in my supervisor’s eyes too
Good cops have self control and composure. Great cops connect with people on a deep, emotional, human level.