Yesterday I made a decision I believe will drastically change my life, if nothing more. We all have walls, mechanisms we use to keep people we don’t trust from knowing what’s going on inside. Mine have done an excellent job so far. Only the people I choose to let in know the real me. This is a new thing for me, being on camera, a mic in my face, talking to an audience I can’t see. It is uncomfortable to say the least.
My personal motto: Do good, Be strong, Fear nothing
The first two come easy for me. They're proactive, guiding my decisions about what to do next. I love helping people and working hard, using my strengths (physical or otherwise) to benefit others. I’ve been developing Police Academy Podcast for months now. It has been hard work, which I actually enjoy. It's for a really good cause, which I’m passionate about. Now it’s time to flip the switch: enter my little obnoxious friend, Fear.
Fear nothing is reactive. It’s not so much about never experiencing fear: that would be dangerous. It’s about what to do with it when the little bugger shows up.
Fear causes hesitation. It makes me want to hold back, to suffocate the fire burning within. I constantly wonder what the police community, friends, family, even strangers will think or say about my content. I fear the judgement of my fellow man and woman. No matter what I say or how I say it, someone will take offense, criticize, judge and condemn. Incorrect assumptions will be made about me and I can't do anything about it.
Fear nothing. I have to remind myself often. When I decided to create Police Academy Podcast, I had no intention of starting a blog. Until yesterday, I didn’t even have a clear purpose for it: now I do. I have decided to use this space as my daily journal for all to see. No more walls, even for people I’ve never met. I will be writing my true thoughts and feelings every day and posting them right here. There are two main reasons for this decision.
First, a core objective of Police Academy is to highlight the human side of the discussion at large. This requires people, including me, to be transparent, communicating our thoughts and feelings. This is my way of leading by example.
Second, this blog is a proverbial middle finger to that little gremlin called Fear. Take a walk buddy! If everyone has access to my innermost thoughts and feelings on a daily basis, I have no reason to hold back when it comes to content I put on the podcast or YouTube channel. There’s nothing left to fear by that point. Yep that’s right, keep steppin!
It doesn’t matter if anyone reads these posts.
I don’t care if people think what I’m doing is crazy, foolhardy or just weird. This is about something much bigger than me. If they don’t understand, that's fine with me. If just one person’s perspective is pushed in the right direction, leading them out of a mindset of hate and destruction, it’s worth it. If one officer gains some perspective, allowing her to treat a suspect with dignity rather than contempt, it’s worth it. If one mother, father, sibling or friend of someone who has been killed by the police finds peace through forgiving the officers for what they did, it’s worth it.
For us to come back together and unite as humans beings, we must let down our walls. I am starting today with this post. Just me, myself, and I. Fear is on vacation.